The BIG List of Drunken Activities

I have done a lot of dumb...and fun things throughout my drinking career.  Yes, it was a career of twenty-seven years...for sure longer than I have held one job.  So, one day I sat down with one of my partners in crime and made a list of all the stupid things we have done.  Just to note these were all done as an "adult".  It does not include swimming in a fountain, streaking a football field on alumni weekend, drinking beer at center court with a schools mascot (and getting busted by a renta cop), wrestling in snow drifts, or riding in shopping carts.  Nor does it include taking daiquiris on high school trips, getting bombed with frats, or playing flip cup at a local dive while working basketball camps.  What this does include is just about everything we could remember from 2002 until last year when I quit drinking.  I am sure everyone has their list, some bigger and better, but this is ours and it was a blast reminiscing on the most recent drunk years.  Good times!   

• Throw up spinach on the ceiling. 
• Make a wrong turn and end up in Canada with open containers and six cases in the back.
• Get lost in a bar in New Orleans while the other person watches and laughs.
• Fall in a man-hole without spilling a draft beer.
• Hang out with the locals (a bartender, a jockey, and an old weird guy) in a trailer park in Sedona.
• Fall in the bathtub headfirst without knocking yourself out.
• Get wasted with your airplane neighbors, that you are facing, on the way to Vegas.
• Get someone to look for the train that traveled through the backyard.
• Visit a strip club Easter morning.
• Enjoy the 31^st day during the month of June.
• Earn a nickname based solely on a bet you made while drinking.
• Draw a blank on your own house alarm code, let the alarm go off and just wait for the company to call and ask for a password.
• Wake to find Whataburger all over the kitchen and fries on the floor only to ask “who had Whataburger”…and a fry fight.
• Celebrate a 40^th on a party bus and have nothing but completely inappropriate pictures to show for it.
• Get a bartender to make you a balloon toy that looks like a vagina, then proceed to carry it around with you the rest of the night.
• Stand on a bar and moon the people in the kitchen.
• Flatten a brand new tire with a 2 inch bolt in the sidewall on Cinco de Mayo.
• Make a midnight run to Eagle Pass to gamble and live to tell about it.
• Tube with crossfitters that have no idea how to limit beer and alcohol, make a random guy's girlfriend cry, and follow your friend that gets out of the river and walks a mile back to the car.
• Host a party with oysters and red jello shots, because those two things don’t make a mess.
• Have a large man appear out of nowhere the morning after the party when you thought he had gone home…or got arrested.
• Sprint across a parking lot to claim two kegs that fall off a Budweiser truck and host an impromptu party that night.
• Do 100 pull-ups while drinking 100oz of beer...and more.
• Drink into oblivion before a 6am flight and have the other drunk person do your laundry and pack.
• Get kicked out of a restaurant by lunging across the bar at another patron that is talking trash.
• Invite a friend to go start a fight with the jackass manager of Logan’s.
• Throw a handful of quarters at a bunch of parked cars after getting the boot from Babcock Bar...and forget to pay your $100 tab.
• Pee on yourself at a Fiesta festival…and Dave & Busters.
• Lock yourself out of a friend’s house on the 4^th of July then proceed with a scavenger hunt to find a spare…if there is in fact one.
• Get pulled over for expired tags and break the motor in your driver side window…and then spill your 24oz beer in the center console. 
• Take six cases of beer on a weekend trip for two and still have to buy more.
• Force someone to pull over so you can pee off the bumper only to learn there is a gas station just over the next hill.
• When all the beer is gone and the stores are closed be sure to drink every last drop of anything you can find in the house…a giant bottle of white wine, some fruity crap a friend brought….
• Walk around a bar in your sports bra for $5.
• Have a peeing competition and fill a 32oz Styrofoam cup…and then still have to pee.
• Watch a friend face plant in the driveway in another friend’s fresh pile of puke...and laugh.
• Take a random friend's car keys, preferably the nicest car you can find, and make a beer run just before midnight…be sure to mess up all the radio settings.
• Play drinking games at a gym...more than once.
• On the way to a drag show, attempt to get a tranny to jump in the cab of a truck with a wounded warrior without getting shot.
• Take a cross country road trip based solely on the location of micro-breweries.
• Extend one Vegas trip by changing your flight then the next time extend it three days...one day at a time and three different hotel rooms.
• Drink beer at the CrossFit Games...before the WOD...and Regionals.
• The morning after an all-night party, extend the party to brunch with all you can drink mimosas and bloody marys...and then until 3pm with beer.
• Play catch-up when you get off work by drinking everyone's fresh and left-over drinks at the bar.
• Have a chugging contest...with baby bottles.
• Run up a tab that creates a receipt that is literally a foot long.