I began training a client about a month ago on the north side of town. For those of you familiar with San Antonio, it is up in Stone Oak. So, every tuesday and thursday morning, before the sun comes up, I drive on the quiet, dark roads to train, and then return home during the beginning of rush hour. Typically, on the return trip I am thinking about the day ahead and what I need to get done...as well as enjoying watching all of the tired, angry people headed to work.
Today, I don't know what was going through my head, but I started thinking about all of the drinking I used to do up there. I always pass by the store I used to work at which sits directly across from Stone Werks. I spent countless lunch breaks there and many evenings with friends running up a tab. SW also played a huge part in entertaining me and my co-workers at Office Depot. From finding people passed out in their cars, men dropping off their drunken hook-ups in the morning, to finding wedding rings in the parking lot, and having the resident drunks come into the store after happy hour.
On the other end of the shopping strip is a giant liquor store...they knew me by name. I knew them so well, in fact, that if my store ran out of one dollar bills at the register, I could always count on them to help me out. In the same strip center used to be a wine bar that denied my friends and I entry one late night, and an Applebee's that always had a good happy hour. Their food sucks but beer was always served in ice cold frosty mugs.
Just down the road is a brewery that serves brick oven pizza. You can not go wrong with that combination. They also serve $2 Lone Star sixteen ouncers. If your on a tight budget, you can't go wrong with the $5 lunch special and some Lone Star. Their in house beers are also fantastic.
Do I miss it? Unlike most recovering addicts, I truly don't. It probably helps that my life is finally heading in a good direction, and I don't feel the need to cover up my feelings anymore. The only time I do miss having an ice cold beer is after a really hot day of yard work or sweating my ass off at the gym...but even that is rare. I also don't mind being around people that are drinking. I am not bothered by it at all, nor do I sit there consumed by thoughts of drinking. I do occasionally wish I could enjoy one with a group of friends, but I know that would be a huge step in the wrong direction ...and quite possibly have serious consequences. Life is not worth that risk any more.
The risks that are worth taking is a continous pursuit of success and happiness...in my life, with my family, at work, and with lifting. Nothing is guaranteed in life, I could get hit by a car putting the trash out in the morning. But adding additional external factors, such as alcohol, only leads to failure and missed opportunities. This is by no means an anti-drinking blog, hell, I am all for people enjoying themselves! Instead, it is just more of a reminder to anyone that battles addiction...you will always face challenges, whether it be driving by your old hangouts or fighting off cravings. But face them head on, almost stubbornly, and fight like hell because life is way more important than an ice cold brew.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Friday, November 22, 2013
Overlooked Evidence of Alcoholism
Every article published these days about alcoholism and/or alcoholics will give you a list of ways to recognize a person with addictive behavior. The one always listed that I particularly enjoy is "does this person drink two beverages to your one". Well, maybe you are just a slow drinker. Yes, it could be an indicator, but in real life situations there are people that sip on one drink for hours on end. To me, the former professional drunk, it would be better stated as, does this person drink four beverages to your one. Or does this person have a glass of vodka with a splash of soda to your one shot and soda, if they are a smart alcoholic, they would have vodka and "water" anyway. Better yet, why has this person gone to pee eight times and I have only gone once? Probably because they loaded up before coming out to the bar, and/or are sneaking shots and chugging other drinks.
What I am getting to, eventually, is the fact that most of the lists don't give the typical alcoholic enough credit; and with these lists you could easily accuse someone who is just letting off steam from a bad day. So, I offer you a better list, some might state the obvious, but the obvious is often overlooked in many situations; while others just might make you think.
1. When they open their car door, do beer cans fall out? My car was a mobile recycling center. Yes officer, I was just headed to recycle these cans and the bag busted open. Right. Those who occassionally leave the house with a drink in hand will almost always get rid of the evidence at first chance. Alcoholics (a) don't care/don't think they will get caught and (b) cleaning out the car everyday is a given that you are trying to hide something. I would typically have a minimum of 18 crushed cans hidden under a blanket on the back floorboard.
2. How many "mini" refrigerators can be found in their house? Every good alcoholic has one or more mini friges for convenience...the closer to the tv or beer pong table, the better.
3. Do the household animals sit at your feet when you hold a beverage instead of food? I had one dog that would sit at my feet until she got a sip, as well as a cat that could smell liquor a mile away and would stick her paw in the glass. A slight indication that these drinks are around alot.
4. How many debit or credit card transactions have the name of a liquor store or a convenience store for around $18-20 bucks? Convenience stores are the best cover because you could always be getting gas or picking up snacks. But check the amount on the transactions...are they all similar? And how many are there in a weeks time?
5. Does this person have a stack of "around the world" club cards for local bars and pubs? If a person opens their wallet and there is a stack behind their ID, you might be on to something. And why behind their ID? Convenience.
6. Is a cooler a permanent fixture in their car? Unless they are shipping body parts to the local hospital on a daily basis, what else is a permanent car cooler for?
7. Does this person frequently smell like they have eaten a whole onion or a clove of garlic? Many people use strong perfumes or cologne in attempt to cover up the smell of alcohol, amateurs. FYI, mints, candy, and gum are only good while they last. The professional will eat foods consisting of strong ingredients or seasoning. They last a lot longer, and come back every time you burp. Gross? Yes, but it works!
8. Is the kitchen pantry full of snack food, but the fridge is bare? Alcoholics will at some point lose their appetite for food. Their drink of choice becomes the food, but they will snack on various, usually salty items. Plus, the fridge is reserved for alcohol...duh.
9. When they shop at a warehouse store, such as Sam's or Costco, do they purchase trash bags, advil, and chips? Or like me, purchase six to eight cases of beer? I never really hid my problem with alcohol until the last year or so when it really got out of control, so someone with a basket full of beer is usually stocking up for a party. But with alcoholism come a shit load of empty containers, a lot of hangovers and annoying headaches, and as I mentioned earlier the need to snack on salty food.
10. Does this person have a better relationships with bartenders than friends? And not just at one restaurant or bar. In the places that I frequented, which stretched all over town, there would be an ice cold Miller Lite on the bar before I even sat down. Additionally, if the bartender delivers all of his/her mis-pours to this person...you might have identfied an alcoholic.
What I am getting to, eventually, is the fact that most of the lists don't give the typical alcoholic enough credit; and with these lists you could easily accuse someone who is just letting off steam from a bad day. So, I offer you a better list, some might state the obvious, but the obvious is often overlooked in many situations; while others just might make you think.
1. When they open their car door, do beer cans fall out? My car was a mobile recycling center. Yes officer, I was just headed to recycle these cans and the bag busted open. Right. Those who occassionally leave the house with a drink in hand will almost always get rid of the evidence at first chance. Alcoholics (a) don't care/don't think they will get caught and (b) cleaning out the car everyday is a given that you are trying to hide something. I would typically have a minimum of 18 crushed cans hidden under a blanket on the back floorboard.
2. How many "mini" refrigerators can be found in their house? Every good alcoholic has one or more mini friges for convenience...the closer to the tv or beer pong table, the better.
3. Do the household animals sit at your feet when you hold a beverage instead of food? I had one dog that would sit at my feet until she got a sip, as well as a cat that could smell liquor a mile away and would stick her paw in the glass. A slight indication that these drinks are around alot.
4. How many debit or credit card transactions have the name of a liquor store or a convenience store for around $18-20 bucks? Convenience stores are the best cover because you could always be getting gas or picking up snacks. But check the amount on the transactions...are they all similar? And how many are there in a weeks time?
5. Does this person have a stack of "around the world" club cards for local bars and pubs? If a person opens their wallet and there is a stack behind their ID, you might be on to something. And why behind their ID? Convenience.
6. Is a cooler a permanent fixture in their car? Unless they are shipping body parts to the local hospital on a daily basis, what else is a permanent car cooler for?
7. Does this person frequently smell like they have eaten a whole onion or a clove of garlic? Many people use strong perfumes or cologne in attempt to cover up the smell of alcohol, amateurs. FYI, mints, candy, and gum are only good while they last. The professional will eat foods consisting of strong ingredients or seasoning. They last a lot longer, and come back every time you burp. Gross? Yes, but it works!
8. Is the kitchen pantry full of snack food, but the fridge is bare? Alcoholics will at some point lose their appetite for food. Their drink of choice becomes the food, but they will snack on various, usually salty items. Plus, the fridge is reserved for alcohol...duh.
9. When they shop at a warehouse store, such as Sam's or Costco, do they purchase trash bags, advil, and chips? Or like me, purchase six to eight cases of beer? I never really hid my problem with alcohol until the last year or so when it really got out of control, so someone with a basket full of beer is usually stocking up for a party. But with alcoholism come a shit load of empty containers, a lot of hangovers and annoying headaches, and as I mentioned earlier the need to snack on salty food.
10. Does this person have a better relationships with bartenders than friends? And not just at one restaurant or bar. In the places that I frequented, which stretched all over town, there would be an ice cold Miller Lite on the bar before I even sat down. Additionally, if the bartender delivers all of his/her mis-pours to this person...you might have identfied an alcoholic.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Why Not Me?!
If there is one thing I truly believe in, it is that everything happens for a reason. Did I have a less than perfect childhood? Sure. Do I have a crappy squat? Definitely. Did I almost drink myself to death? Absolutely. But I am somehow still alive, constantly working to improve my squat, and striving daily to gain a better understanding of my life with and without alcohol. Now, is it possible for me to define that specific reason, for example, why I decided to give up alcohol cold turkey after so many years?! Nope, I don't have a damn clue...at least not yet. But I will keep you posted.
A little over a year and a half without a tall frosty mug, and I am still surprised and amazed when good things happen to me. I am also extremely thankful. Thankful to be alive, thankful to be given yet another shot at life, thankful for having people that never gave up on me and continue to support my progress, and thankful for each and every new day...even when the alarm goes off at 4am.
One of the most difficult things I have faced during my sobriety is learning how to live life again. And, honestly, I still struggle with it. From the early days of re-learning how to fuel my body, to developing goals, to dealing with all the "new" emotions that come with sobriety. And there are many times that I ask, why me, in the sense of why do I get a fresh start. There are a ton of people that fail miserably at trying to attain a successful life through sobriety. But some how, with the help of and encouragement from quite a few friends, my mindset is slowly changing to, why not me?! People believe in me and my capabilities, which in turn, have provided me the opportunity to learn to appreciate success and appreciate failure...because ultimately any failure only provides the fuel to create success. And with 20+ years full of drunken failures, thats a lot of fuel.
So why go through all the ups and downs, why fight for sobriety, why change my life at almost 40 years old? Besides the fact that I wasn't quite ready to be dropped into a six foot hole in the ground, and just being physically and mentally exhausted from keeping so much of me covered up, I really could not tell you the motivation behind my life changing decision. Was it a need to be successful again? Maybe. I have always had a strong internal drive which pushes me when I set my sights on something.
In the last month or so, I have been given several unexpected opportunities to pursue the things I truly love. I have spent countless blogs talking about my pursuits in lifting, and another one about the changes at work. But recently, I have been asked to start covering specific crossfit events as a blog writer. I also began training clients again. Additionally, I have been offered an opportunity to do more training at a new (opening soon) weight loss and wellness center. With all of the upcoming opportunities, it is time to accept that all of this has happened due to my fight to become...well, to become me. As a professional drunk, I would have squandered these opportunities one way or another; but I intend to put as much passion into these pursuits as I do my lifting. I believe these opportunities to be a once in a lifetime chance to be successful again. They exist for a specific reason, and all provided by people who believe in me. There is and can be success through sobriety. So spread the word to anyone you know that is fighting to regain life through sobriety, and tell them, why not you?!
A little over a year and a half without a tall frosty mug, and I am still surprised and amazed when good things happen to me. I am also extremely thankful. Thankful to be alive, thankful to be given yet another shot at life, thankful for having people that never gave up on me and continue to support my progress, and thankful for each and every new day...even when the alarm goes off at 4am.
One of the most difficult things I have faced during my sobriety is learning how to live life again. And, honestly, I still struggle with it. From the early days of re-learning how to fuel my body, to developing goals, to dealing with all the "new" emotions that come with sobriety. And there are many times that I ask, why me, in the sense of why do I get a fresh start. There are a ton of people that fail miserably at trying to attain a successful life through sobriety. But some how, with the help of and encouragement from quite a few friends, my mindset is slowly changing to, why not me?! People believe in me and my capabilities, which in turn, have provided me the opportunity to learn to appreciate success and appreciate failure...because ultimately any failure only provides the fuel to create success. And with 20+ years full of drunken failures, thats a lot of fuel.
So why go through all the ups and downs, why fight for sobriety, why change my life at almost 40 years old? Besides the fact that I wasn't quite ready to be dropped into a six foot hole in the ground, and just being physically and mentally exhausted from keeping so much of me covered up, I really could not tell you the motivation behind my life changing decision. Was it a need to be successful again? Maybe. I have always had a strong internal drive which pushes me when I set my sights on something.
In the last month or so, I have been given several unexpected opportunities to pursue the things I truly love. I have spent countless blogs talking about my pursuits in lifting, and another one about the changes at work. But recently, I have been asked to start covering specific crossfit events as a blog writer. I also began training clients again. Additionally, I have been offered an opportunity to do more training at a new (opening soon) weight loss and wellness center. With all of the upcoming opportunities, it is time to accept that all of this has happened due to my fight to become...well, to become me. As a professional drunk, I would have squandered these opportunities one way or another; but I intend to put as much passion into these pursuits as I do my lifting. I believe these opportunities to be a once in a lifetime chance to be successful again. They exist for a specific reason, and all provided by people who believe in me. There is and can be success through sobriety. So spread the word to anyone you know that is fighting to regain life through sobriety, and tell them, why not you?!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Slacker
Let me go ahead and tell you the ending to this blog...when your job becomes work, it is time to move on. I am lucky enough to be able to work part-time with a good retail company. And by part time, I mean 30+ very flexible hours doing manual labor. I am well respected for what I do, and will be one of the first people called when a store needs assistance with any type of physical labor or cleaning up a receiving area, including vendor returns.
Almost two months ago, I chose to leave the store two minutes from my house and transfer to one on the south-side. I have to get up earlier, drive further, and do a lot more work on a daily basis. And, I know, some people would say, you must be a glutton for punishment. When in fact, I guess in some ways I am; but the main reason I did was to enjoy working again.
There are one million and one different types of managers in the retail world. From the ones who sit on their ass in the back office, to the hands on, to the delegaters, to the ones who have no control over their employees. I have been extremely lucky, due to the fact that Office Depot rotates managers fairly frequently, and have, for the most part, worked with really good ones. There is always that one exception, but she was just a horrible human being put into a position of authority under false pretenses...but I digress.
At my last store, I was slowly losing motivation to bust my ass day in and day out. For me, it was hard to get up in the morning to go do the same thing over and over again...clean up everyone elses crap. And at the same time, get behind on the things that really needed to be done. In my last weeks leading up to my transfer, I was working the least amount of hours possible...just to get the basics done and get out. If you know me, this is not at all how I operate. I will stay extra hours in order to complete things in a timely manner. I will work split shifts if necessary as well as overnights. Last year for inventory, I counted almost every item in our overstock...because I wanted it to be as accurate as possible and I could get it done quickly.
Since my transfer, I have found that passion, that work ethic which I am known for. My job is fun again and I don't see it as a job or work. It is what I do to make one location and its manager function more efficiently...and take un-needed stress off the management team. And it always helps when they tell you how happy they are that you are there. I love my job! And the bossman that has stuck with me through thick and thin...aka when I first stopped drinking...well, I kinda like him too. I gave him plenty of chances to throw in the towel on me, but he never did. He believed in me and in return, I bust my ass for him. I guess you could call it....respect.
Almost two months ago, I chose to leave the store two minutes from my house and transfer to one on the south-side. I have to get up earlier, drive further, and do a lot more work on a daily basis. And, I know, some people would say, you must be a glutton for punishment. When in fact, I guess in some ways I am; but the main reason I did was to enjoy working again.
There are one million and one different types of managers in the retail world. From the ones who sit on their ass in the back office, to the hands on, to the delegaters, to the ones who have no control over their employees. I have been extremely lucky, due to the fact that Office Depot rotates managers fairly frequently, and have, for the most part, worked with really good ones. There is always that one exception, but she was just a horrible human being put into a position of authority under false pretenses...but I digress.
At my last store, I was slowly losing motivation to bust my ass day in and day out. For me, it was hard to get up in the morning to go do the same thing over and over again...clean up everyone elses crap. And at the same time, get behind on the things that really needed to be done. In my last weeks leading up to my transfer, I was working the least amount of hours possible...just to get the basics done and get out. If you know me, this is not at all how I operate. I will stay extra hours in order to complete things in a timely manner. I will work split shifts if necessary as well as overnights. Last year for inventory, I counted almost every item in our overstock...because I wanted it to be as accurate as possible and I could get it done quickly.
Since my transfer, I have found that passion, that work ethic which I am known for. My job is fun again and I don't see it as a job or work. It is what I do to make one location and its manager function more efficiently...and take un-needed stress off the management team. And it always helps when they tell you how happy they are that you are there. I love my job! And the bossman that has stuck with me through thick and thin...aka when I first stopped drinking...well, I kinda like him too. I gave him plenty of chances to throw in the towel on me, but he never did. He believed in me and in return, I bust my ass for him. I guess you could call it....respect.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Think??
There have been so many blogs, stories, and videos pertaining to fitness and qualified/under-qualified coaches and trainers. My response is simply...do your damn homework! Try it out before you commit and use some common sense...all of it if you are lacking in that area. And for the love of all things...ask questions. In my opinion, if you fail to do these things, then you are responsible for what happens. And if you choose to continue in that environment, and get injured...that is also your responsibility.
A CrossFit L1 certification is just an expensive piece of paper. The same can be said for the certifications held by globo gym trainers. That piece of paper doesn't mean they know jack about teaching specific movements, nutrition, or even how to use the equipment in their own gym. I will be the first to tell you that I am not the best choice for nutrition advice...unless you want to know about cookies and Big Red. And I can definitely help you pick out a good cigar. Oh, and did I mention that I have a CrossFit nutrition certification. Did I make my point?!
Here is a solid piece of advise...if you are new to training or a specific sport, and you walk away after one session having learned absolutely nothing...move on. If you walk away with a whole bunch of questions, then you missed a key part of the first paragraph above. If you happen to be the person that joins a gym because your friends think it is cool, then you are on your own...you have other problems to worry about. But if you leave wanting to learn more, then you probably found what you are looking for.
As far as injuries go, guess what, shit happens. You could break your toe walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night. You could injure your rotator cuff in a battle over cheap socks on Black Friday. Hell, something could fall out of the sky and crack you on the head. So don't be surprised or point fingers at someone else, for that matter, when you pull a muscle exercising. No one ever wants to get injured, but if you are serious about working out or fitness in general...the bottom line is, it is going to happen. If you pull your hamstring on the way to the fridge during a commercial of your favorite television program, who are you going to blame for that...the people on tv?
Summary: If a trainer or coach is good at what they do, they will show you...they will teach you.
A CrossFit L1 certification is just an expensive piece of paper. The same can be said for the certifications held by globo gym trainers. That piece of paper doesn't mean they know jack about teaching specific movements, nutrition, or even how to use the equipment in their own gym. I will be the first to tell you that I am not the best choice for nutrition advice...unless you want to know about cookies and Big Red. And I can definitely help you pick out a good cigar. Oh, and did I mention that I have a CrossFit nutrition certification. Did I make my point?!
Here is a solid piece of advise...if you are new to training or a specific sport, and you walk away after one session having learned absolutely nothing...move on. If you walk away with a whole bunch of questions, then you missed a key part of the first paragraph above. If you happen to be the person that joins a gym because your friends think it is cool, then you are on your own...you have other problems to worry about. But if you leave wanting to learn more, then you probably found what you are looking for.
As far as injuries go, guess what, shit happens. You could break your toe walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night. You could injure your rotator cuff in a battle over cheap socks on Black Friday. Hell, something could fall out of the sky and crack you on the head. So don't be surprised or point fingers at someone else, for that matter, when you pull a muscle exercising. No one ever wants to get injured, but if you are serious about working out or fitness in general...the bottom line is, it is going to happen. If you pull your hamstring on the way to the fridge during a commercial of your favorite television program, who are you going to blame for that...the people on tv?
Summary: If a trainer or coach is good at what they do, they will show you...they will teach you.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
History: Part 2
Due to years and years of drinking, there are a lot of parts of my childhood that have either temporarily or permanently disappeared from my memory. I may stumble on a picture and recall the events that took place, or a dream might bring back some forgotten moment in time. But otherwise, I remember the negative parts of my family life, and believe it or not a lot of my completely obliterated moments. My assumption is that when you spend most of your time drunk, you are inevitably going to remember quite a bit of it.
Right around the years that I began to explore the world with a buzz, one of my most negative and unforgiving moments occurred. It also led to an increased volume in drinking. I was still a few years shy of becoming a teenager, and spent my Saturday mornings as any child would...in front of the television watching cartoons. I can even remember that I was laying in front of the tv on my left side with my head propped up in my hand. My mom had been on my case all morning about taking some left over Christmas boxes to the storage shed out back of our house. "In a minute, mom."...the infamous catch phrase that typically ended in an arguement or excessive sreaming match. Things quieted down and I continued with my saturday morning entertainment.
Several minutes later, I heard a faint cry for help. I went to the back door to find my mom sitting in the grass, angry and in tears. She told me to go find help. I went to the neighbors house and found their yard guy. He followed me to the back yard and subsequently called an ambulance as well as my dad. Both arrived at the house right around the same time and my dad and I followed the ambulance to the hospital. I don't remember anything about the car ride except for my dad running red lights.
My mom had decided to take one of the boxes out to the shed. She stepped in a rather deep hole in the back yard and literally crushed her ankle. In surgery, the doctor said the bone fell out like saw dust...quite an image for a kid. Six screws, two pins, and a steel plate later it was rebuilt. The horrifying screams from the emergency room still ring in my ears.
It is a moment in life I will never forget...and wasn't allowed to. Everyone in my family blamed me for the accident. "Why didn't YOU take the boxes to the shed?"...or "if you had just done what your mother told you to do". And, in turn, I was very unforgiving to myself. I spent my mom's recovery time catering to her every need as well as drinking whatever I could get my hands on.
"This would have never happened if it wasn't for you."
It would not be the last time I heard that phrase, which turned into a "you owe me for life" understanding within the walls of my house. For all the physical pain I had caused, it would be returned time and time again in the form of mental pain. And drinking allowed me to be happy.
Right around the years that I began to explore the world with a buzz, one of my most negative and unforgiving moments occurred. It also led to an increased volume in drinking. I was still a few years shy of becoming a teenager, and spent my Saturday mornings as any child would...in front of the television watching cartoons. I can even remember that I was laying in front of the tv on my left side with my head propped up in my hand. My mom had been on my case all morning about taking some left over Christmas boxes to the storage shed out back of our house. "In a minute, mom."...the infamous catch phrase that typically ended in an arguement or excessive sreaming match. Things quieted down and I continued with my saturday morning entertainment.
Several minutes later, I heard a faint cry for help. I went to the back door to find my mom sitting in the grass, angry and in tears. She told me to go find help. I went to the neighbors house and found their yard guy. He followed me to the back yard and subsequently called an ambulance as well as my dad. Both arrived at the house right around the same time and my dad and I followed the ambulance to the hospital. I don't remember anything about the car ride except for my dad running red lights.
My mom had decided to take one of the boxes out to the shed. She stepped in a rather deep hole in the back yard and literally crushed her ankle. In surgery, the doctor said the bone fell out like saw dust...quite an image for a kid. Six screws, two pins, and a steel plate later it was rebuilt. The horrifying screams from the emergency room still ring in my ears.
It is a moment in life I will never forget...and wasn't allowed to. Everyone in my family blamed me for the accident. "Why didn't YOU take the boxes to the shed?"...or "if you had just done what your mother told you to do". And, in turn, I was very unforgiving to myself. I spent my mom's recovery time catering to her every need as well as drinking whatever I could get my hands on.
"This would have never happened if it wasn't for you."
It would not be the last time I heard that phrase, which turned into a "you owe me for life" understanding within the walls of my house. For all the physical pain I had caused, it would be returned time and time again in the form of mental pain. And drinking allowed me to be happy.
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