Why Not Me?!

If there is one thing I truly believe in, it is that everything happens for a reason.  Did I have a less than perfect childhood? Sure. Do I have a crappy squat? Definitely. Did I almost drink myself to death? Absolutely.  But I am somehow still alive, constantly working to improve my squat, and striving daily to gain a better understanding of my life with and without alcohol. Now, is it possible for me to define that specific reason, for example, why I decided to give up alcohol cold turkey after so many years?! Nope, I don't have a damn clue...at least not yet.  But I will keep you posted.

A little over a year and a half without a tall frosty mug, and I am still surprised and amazed when good things happen to me.  I am also extremely thankful.  Thankful to be alive, thankful to be given yet another shot at life, thankful for having people that never gave up on me and continue to support my progress, and thankful for each and every new day...even when the alarm goes off at 4am.

One of the most difficult things I have faced during my sobriety is learning how to live life again.  And, honestly, I still struggle with it.  From the early days of re-learning how to fuel my body, to developing goals, to dealing with all the "new" emotions that come with sobriety.  And there are many times that I ask, why me, in the sense of why do I get a fresh start. There are a ton of people that fail miserably at trying to attain a successful life through sobriety.  But some how, with the help of and encouragement from quite a few friends, my mindset is slowly changing to, why not me?!  People believe in me and my capabilities, which in turn, have provided me the opportunity to learn to appreciate success and appreciate failure...because ultimately any failure only provides the fuel to create success.  And with 20+ years full of drunken failures, thats a lot of fuel.

So why go through all the ups and downs, why fight for sobriety, why change my life at almost 40 years old?  Besides the fact that I wasn't quite ready to be dropped into a six foot hole in the ground, and just being physically and mentally exhausted from keeping so much of me covered up, I really could not tell you the motivation behind my life changing decision.  Was it a need to be successful again?  Maybe.  I have always had a strong internal drive which pushes me when I set my sights on something.

In the last month or so, I have been given several unexpected opportunities to pursue the things I truly   love.  I have spent countless blogs talking about my pursuits in lifting, and another one about the changes at work.  But recently, I have been asked to start covering specific crossfit events as a blog writer.  I also began training clients again.  Additionally, I have been offered an opportunity to do more training at a new (opening soon) weight loss and wellness center.  With all of the upcoming opportunities, it is time to accept that all of this has happened due to my fight to become...well, to become me.  As a professional drunk, I would have squandered these opportunities one way or another; but I intend to put as much passion into these pursuits as I do my lifting.  I believe these opportunities to be a once in a lifetime chance to be successful again.  They exist for a specific reason, and all provided by people who believe in me.  There is and can be success through sobriety.  So spread the word to anyone you know that is fighting to regain life through sobriety, and tell them, why not you?!

18 months of Living

18 months, 1 year and 6 months, 548-ish days:  No matter how you spin it, that is how long I have been sober...as of today.  I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that I made it this long and how lucky I am to even be alive.  I sure as hell never expected all the support I have received along the way, and am extremely grateful for all of the kind words and notes of encouragement.  My 18 month journey has, in part, taken on a life of its own through sharing my trials, errors, as well as all the positive aspects of cleaning up my life.  This blog has definitely helped me see things in a different light, as I hope it has been able to help others too, regardless of the issue at hand.

I still have my day to day struggles in dealing with my emotions, a consequence of using alcohol as a kid to cover them all up.  Anger is a constant battle, but a much less frequent occurrence since I started lifting again.  I now live my life one day at a time in search of making myself a better person while taking the time to enjoy the little things, instead of living my life dictated by an alcohol induced buzz.  What began as a questionable and almost humorous statement of "I am done drinking", has turned into a personal challenge full of accomplishment.

I have proven to myself, and hopefully others, that it can be done.  An alcoholic can, against all odds, become a sober successful person.  I have not made this journey alone and attribute much of my success to those who, knowingly or not, were there when I needed it the most.  From the continued love and support of my best friend, Brooke; to the assistance of my therapist; to meeting the greatest lifting coach, motivator, and friend, Jill, at a time when I was at a crossroad; to the development of the Barn Crew, a great group of friends and lifting partners...and a source of constant entertainment; to the continued support of co-workers and friends from far and near; and last but not least my long time friend, mama Peeler, who has never given up on me and made dreams of mine become reality.

Today, I will celebrate with Big Red Zero and my favorite cookies, along with a brutal squat and deadlift workout...followed by an evening with my family and I am sure a few good cigars.  A perfect day in my new life.