Every article published these days about alcoholism and/or alcoholics will give you a list of ways to recognize a person with addictive behavior. The one always listed that I particularly enjoy is "does this person drink two beverages to your one". Well, maybe you are just a slow drinker. Yes, it could be an indicator, but in real life situations there are people that sip on one drink for hours on end. To me, the former professional drunk, it would be better stated as, does this person drink four beverages to your one. Or does this person have a glass of vodka with a splash of soda to your one shot and soda, if they are a smart alcoholic, they would have vodka and "water" anyway. Better yet, why has this person gone to pee eight times and I have only gone once? Probably because they loaded up before coming out to the bar, and/or are sneaking shots and chugging other drinks.
What I am getting to, eventually, is the fact that most of the lists don't give the typical alcoholic enough credit; and with these lists you could easily accuse someone who is just letting off steam from a bad day. So, I offer you a better list, some might state the obvious, but the obvious is often overlooked in many situations; while others just might make you think.
1. When they open their car door, do beer cans fall out? My car was a mobile recycling center. Yes officer, I was just headed to recycle these cans and the bag busted open. Right. Those who occassionally leave the house with a drink in hand will almost always get rid of the evidence at first chance. Alcoholics (a) don't care/don't think they will get caught and (b) cleaning out the car everyday is a given that you are trying to hide something. I would typically have a minimum of 18 crushed cans hidden under a blanket on the back floorboard.
2. How many "mini" refrigerators can be found in their house? Every good alcoholic has one or more mini friges for convenience...the closer to the tv or beer pong table, the better.
3. Do the household animals sit at your feet when you hold a beverage instead of food? I had one dog that would sit at my feet until she got a sip, as well as a cat that could smell liquor a mile away and would stick her paw in the glass. A slight indication that these drinks are around alot.
4. How many debit or credit card transactions have the name of a liquor store or a convenience store for around $18-20 bucks? Convenience stores are the best cover because you could always be getting gas or picking up snacks. But check the amount on the transactions...are they all similar? And how many are there in a weeks time?
5. Does this person have a stack of "around the world" club cards for local bars and pubs? If a person opens their wallet and there is a stack behind their ID, you might be on to something. And why behind their ID? Convenience.
6. Is a cooler a permanent fixture in their car? Unless they are shipping body parts to the local hospital on a daily basis, what else is a permanent car cooler for?
7. Does this person frequently smell like they have eaten a whole onion or a clove of garlic? Many people use strong perfumes or cologne in attempt to cover up the smell of alcohol, amateurs. FYI, mints, candy, and gum are only good while they last. The professional will eat foods consisting of strong ingredients or seasoning. They last a lot longer, and come back every time you burp. Gross? Yes, but it works!
8. Is the kitchen pantry full of snack food, but the fridge is bare? Alcoholics will at some point lose their appetite for food. Their drink of choice becomes the food, but they will snack on various, usually salty items. Plus, the fridge is reserved for alcohol...duh.
9. When they shop at a warehouse store, such as Sam's or Costco, do they purchase trash bags, advil, and chips? Or like me, purchase six to eight cases of beer? I never really hid my problem with alcohol until the last year or so when it really got out of control, so someone with a basket full of beer is usually stocking up for a party. But with alcoholism come a shit load of empty containers, a lot of hangovers and annoying headaches, and as I mentioned earlier the need to snack on salty food.
10. Does this person have a better relationships with bartenders than friends? And not just at one restaurant or bar. In the places that I frequented, which stretched all over town, there would be an ice cold Miller Lite on the bar before I even sat down. Additionally, if the bartender delivers all of his/her mis-pours to this person...you might have identfied an alcoholic.
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