I am not a big believer in group therapy, such as AA. I did not use it nor will I promote it,
although I do believe that some people may benefit from it. It is just my choice and I know I do not
respond well to various people that I do not know patting me on the back,
praying for me, or giving me advise on life.
In fact, put me in a group of people and I will either not say a damn
thing or I will be the one to crack all the jokes at the wrong time or just be an asshole. So, I chose to attack my
alcoholic problems by myself, but not without a handful of people, new friends
and old, that have come into my life at exactly the right time. I was not naïve in the fact that I did know I
needed some help. Where was it going to
come from? That was the question that time would answer.
My best friend has always been there for me. She knows me better than I know myself, and
knows what to say when…from letting me crash and burn when needed, to picking
me up. There is no way in the world I
could have undertaken this enormous task without the support of the one constant in my life. If you are one
of those people that have to deal with a loved one with an addiction, I can
honestly say, for my situation, it was handled 100% in the correct manner. I had to decide for myself that it was time
to quit, and after twenty plus years of drinking, no one ever saw it coming
from me. There was no push, no
intervention, no dumping out bottles, no I am going to walk away if you don’t
quit situations. It was me and my decision. Although it was needed, for my health and
sanity, I was allowed to do it on my terms.
Even though “my terms” was originally a bet to see how long it would
actually last. And I would be the first
to tell you, it won’t. I had made that
critical decision more than once in my life and failed, but on one morning in
particular…I would not fail. In
addition, I have never had to ask for support, its just there…all the time. This person is the essential part of any
recovery program, whether it be a best friend, family member, co-worker...as
long as it is someone who truly knows the real you.
I began therapy before I quit drinking to deal with the
issues that caused me to drown myself in alcohol in the first place. Prior to my first session, I chugged three
16oz beers just to calm my nerves and be able to open up a little bit. My second session, I was wasted. I started drinking at 8am, my appointment was
at 2pm and kept drinking the rest of the day.
She had no idea…that shows you right there how “functional” I really was
as an alcoholic. And it was not her
first day on the job by any means. By my
third session I had sobered up for good, and began to do work. She has single handedly helped me through
some extreme rough points in my early months of sobriety. From depression, to thoughts of suicide, to
anger, to being a failure, to piecing my life back together one day at a time…she
has heard it all and provided me with countless solutions and ways to get
through each scenario. I can say that
without a doubt, I would not have made it this far without her.
As with any type of addiction recovery, you are always encouraged to find
something to do, something you love and have a passion for…a distraction, a
release, whatever you want to call it.
Mine had always been sports and lifting.
I played basketball, soccer and volleyball in college and turned to
CrossFit in 2008 as a means to stay in shape and feel that competitive edge
again. I competed in the CrossFit Games
in 2009 in Aromas as an individual and regional competition in 2010 with a
team. By this time, I had minor injuries
that were keeping me from being 100% all the time, so I hung it up as a
competitor and turned to the only thing I knew would help, beer. As my drinking got worse, I walked away from
any and all things athletic shortly after that competition. I began to realize that I needed to get my
shit together and being around the gym where I was no longer competitive was
not helping. To me, it was seeing
failure first hand day in and out. So I
drank more.
The first day I decided to attack a morning workout, sober,
was the first day of the rest of my life.
I could feel that passion deep inside and had to find a way to pull it
out. I spent several months doing things
on my own and researching every thing I could about powerlifting. I knew I could rebuild my bench press to be
respectable and I love to deadlift. The
third element of powerlifting is the squat, and in my mind, two outta three
wasn’t bad. Injuries had kept me from
squatting for quit a while and I really had no desire to ever squat again.
As with anything competitive, I hit a point where I need a
coach, someone to teach me the ins and outs of the sport, critique me, and best
of all kick me in the ass. I have had
some great young coaches in my athletic career and the best ones always pulled
things out of me by doing just that. So, I did my research. I found the
best of the best when it came to competitive and knowledgeable women in lifting and shot
her an e-mail. I’m not gonna lie the
quick response kind of scared me a little bit.
I set up an appointment to discuss my goals and show her where I was in
my three lifts. In one session, I
learned that I need to tweak my bench form, no problem there, my deadlift form
was horrible, and I had no leg strength.
Years of not squatting because of injury had turned my squat to shit,
which I was well aware of, as well as my deadlift. But after one session I was hooked. It was simply her passion for lifting and her
passion to teach…and her ability to kick me in the ass from day one. Long story short, I had found a person that
was going to keep me on my path to recovery, even though she had no idea.
I could have easily walked away from the challenge that I
was about to undertake, but that is not me, not how I operate. Challenge me to a drinking competition and I
would have never backed down. Challenge
me to get stronger and become a better lifter…I am not backing down from that
either.
So all in all, this was and still is my support system. Adding to this list, I received a huge amount
of support from several co-workers through my hardest moments. Not many have a boss/friend that was as
understanding and supportive as mine. I
was extremely lucky in this department. The
simple fact that I have some of the most caring and supportive co-workers is
beyond what I can write or say about them.
When I was at rock bottom, they still showed me love and support. It is important to note that these are not
people that I met overnight, most had known me for years.
And I can not forget the friends from near and far, old and
new who sent me messages of support.
They always made me smile on days when I needed it most. I still battle issues with anger, frustration,
and depression, although they are a lot less frequent, and deal with those
moments as they happen. But my life
without alcohol has been amazing to say the least. I am alive…physically and mentally and extremely appreciative of everyone and everything that has gotten me this far in my new journey.
