The Continuous Battle

I began training a client about a month ago on the north side of town.  For those of you familiar with San Antonio, it is up in Stone Oak.  So, every tuesday and thursday morning, before the sun comes up, I drive on the quiet, dark roads to train, and then return home during the beginning of rush hour.  Typically, on the return trip I am thinking about the day ahead and what I need to get done...as well as enjoying watching all of the tired, angry people headed to work.

Today, I don't know what was going through my head, but I started thinking about all of the drinking I used to do up there.  I always pass by the store I used to work at which sits directly across from Stone Werks.  I spent countless lunch breaks there and many evenings with friends running up a tab.  SW also played a huge part in entertaining me and my co-workers at Office Depot.  From finding people passed out in their cars, men dropping off their drunken hook-ups in the morning, to finding wedding rings in the parking lot, and having the resident drunks come into the store after happy hour.

On the other end of the shopping strip is a giant liquor store...they knew me by name.  I knew them so well, in fact, that if my store ran out of one dollar bills at the register, I could always count on them to help me out.  In the same strip center used to be a wine bar that denied my friends and I entry one late night, and an Applebee's that always had a good happy hour.  Their food sucks but beer was always served in ice cold frosty mugs.

Just down the road is a brewery that serves brick oven pizza.  You can not go wrong with that combination.  They also serve $2 Lone Star sixteen ouncers.  If your on a tight budget, you can't go wrong with the $5 lunch special and some Lone Star.  Their in house beers are also fantastic.

Do I miss it?  Unlike most recovering addicts, I truly don't.  It probably helps that my life is finally heading in a good direction, and I don't feel the need to cover up my feelings anymore.  The only time I do miss having an ice cold beer is after a really hot day of yard work or sweating my ass off at the gym...but even that is rare.  I also don't mind being around people that are drinking.  I am not bothered by it at all, nor do I sit there consumed by thoughts of drinking.  I do occasionally wish I could enjoy one with a group of friends, but I know that would be a huge step in the wrong direction ...and quite possibly have serious consequences.  Life is not worth that risk any more.

The risks that are worth taking is a continous pursuit of success and happiness...in my life, with my family, at work, and with lifting.  Nothing is guaranteed in life, I could get hit by a car putting the trash out in the morning.  But adding additional external factors, such as alcohol, only leads to failure and missed opportunities.  This is by no means an anti-drinking blog, hell, I am all for people enjoying themselves!  Instead, it is just more of a reminder to anyone that battles addiction...you will always face challenges, whether it be driving by your old hangouts or fighting off cravings.  But face them head on, almost stubbornly, and fight like hell because life is way more important than an ice cold brew.

18 months of Living

18 months, 1 year and 6 months, 548-ish days:  No matter how you spin it, that is how long I have been sober...as of today.  I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that I made it this long and how lucky I am to even be alive.  I sure as hell never expected all the support I have received along the way, and am extremely grateful for all of the kind words and notes of encouragement.  My 18 month journey has, in part, taken on a life of its own through sharing my trials, errors, as well as all the positive aspects of cleaning up my life.  This blog has definitely helped me see things in a different light, as I hope it has been able to help others too, regardless of the issue at hand.

I still have my day to day struggles in dealing with my emotions, a consequence of using alcohol as a kid to cover them all up.  Anger is a constant battle, but a much less frequent occurrence since I started lifting again.  I now live my life one day at a time in search of making myself a better person while taking the time to enjoy the little things, instead of living my life dictated by an alcohol induced buzz.  What began as a questionable and almost humorous statement of "I am done drinking", has turned into a personal challenge full of accomplishment.

I have proven to myself, and hopefully others, that it can be done.  An alcoholic can, against all odds, become a sober successful person.  I have not made this journey alone and attribute much of my success to those who, knowingly or not, were there when I needed it the most.  From the continued love and support of my best friend, Brooke; to the assistance of my therapist; to meeting the greatest lifting coach, motivator, and friend, Jill, at a time when I was at a crossroad; to the development of the Barn Crew, a great group of friends and lifting partners...and a source of constant entertainment; to the continued support of co-workers and friends from far and near; and last but not least my long time friend, mama Peeler, who has never given up on me and made dreams of mine become reality.

Today, I will celebrate with Big Red Zero and my favorite cookies, along with a brutal squat and deadlift workout...followed by an evening with my family and I am sure a few good cigars.  A perfect day in my new life.